I had a breakthrough on this eve of moving day.
I've been surfacing emotions the past few months and honestly the past year. Many times, I felt like a dried up desert. Other times, some drops of rain would splash unto the cracked ground of my soul, temporarily providing relief but never deep enough to saturate, mending the cracks.
It scared me because with a strong empathetic heart, to lose that depth of feeling was like I'd shut down. I'd simply carry on with a numb plastic front going through the motions. A time of wandering the desert happened and while I was still used, it didn't seem so. Not in the way I'd known before.
Tingling sensations occurred tonight that showed the numbness is retreating. Moving brings a lot to surface that can't be stuffed any longer. Trying to cram clothes into an already overfilled bag just doesn't work. You end up zipping up the clothes, getting things stuck and becoming frustrated when you already knew at the beginning it wasn't going to fit. I've known this move needed to take place long ago but I'd resist it, desiring other things.
While I'm frightened in so many ways, after tonight, I'm ready for the challenge. I'm ready to fight for genuine freedom and the desire to rejoice in this lot God has given me. The little girl in me ached for so much more at this age; now the adult in me yearns to come to terms and embrace this path God has placed before her.
May I persist in chasing the Giver of Life.
P.S. The next entry will be entertaining as I'll have two full days of traveling with Timmy (my new TomTom companion with of course, the British accent (; ).
MMMM good read for the soul...yes so many words you shared seem to pinpoint what ive experienced in recent times. we must not languish wondering why time has passed as it has, but indeed embrace His path and be excited for what is to come, especially as growing women pursued by an unrelenting God. On the drive home from work (figuring twas the time you were hitting the road) I prayed for more freedom in your life lovely one (before i read this)...a true freedom that comes not from where you are or who is there but that is the freedom to be unburdened by the past and the cumbersome expectations of our present selves, the freedom to BE, right now, right with Him, to be without regret as you live abundantly as your full self, as His.
ReplyDeletemuch love Mal~blessing always!steph
Steph. How I'm going to miss you. Words I needed to hear and will re-read as I go through this journey..Please keep me updated with you. We need to skype soon! Praying for you lady. May God give you the strength to keep on.
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